I still have not healed from COVID. I have heard about long COVID, but how long is this going to last. No, I am not talking about the virus itself. If I did catch the virus, it was a non-event that went completely unnoticed. I am talking about the mental, social and even physical harms that have come from our reactions to the virus.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know that people did get very sick, and many died from COVID. Not nearly as many as we count, since we count everyone who died with COVID, but still a significant number. I truly emphasize with those who suffered directly from the disease or who lost family members to it. You have had a tough time, and I do feel your pain. But many more have suffered greatly due to our attempts to confine the virus. If the attempts had a reasonable chance of succeeding, I would gladly take all the pain from those attempts to ease your suffering. But many of us knew from the beginning that our pandemic response was not going to have much affect on the virus spread. Still we have to deal with the consequences of those attempts. And I will carry the scars for many years.
One of the first scars that I will carry is social. I have always been introverted, but now every interaction I have, I am worried whether I am making them uncomfortable. We have spent the last 2 years convincing people that everyone else is a threat to them, especially if they are not in masks and wearing a “I got my shots and boosters” sticker on their lapel. Every time I meet someone, I wonder whether they are silently worried I could be carrying COVID and give it to them. I find myself even less willing to make the first move to say hello to someone, because I don’t want to offend them.
I am also concerned that I may appear sick. What will others think if I cough, sneeze, sniffle, have to clear my throat, breathe heavily, or anything else that might be taken as a sign that I may be rampantly spreading COVID to all around me. I take care to make sure that none of that happens in public. I am much less comfortable singing in church, because sometimes those notes will tickle my throat and cause me to cough. The same goes with talking much, as that can give me a dry throat and bring on a cough. I can’t let anyone hear me cough in public, because they will assume that I have COVID. Or at least that is what I have come to believe.
I have a diminished sense of self confidence. After 2 years of being told I have no idea what is happening and that I should just trust experts I knew were either lying to us or just way off base in their advice, I find myself doubting my sanity. After 2 years of gaslighting and being told that things were nothing but wild conspiracy theories, only to find out later that they were most likely true, I am not sure what is real and what is fiction.
I have lost my trust for others. After years of the news pushing an agenda rather than telling the news, I cannot trust the sources of information out there. I see people fall hook line and sinker for every message the media they follow pushes, no matter how ridiculous. I have seen things that were called conspiracy theories be proven true. After all this, it is hard to trust.
So, what is my point? Do I expect you to feel sorry for me because of the impact COVID has made on my life? No I do not. My point is that if I am suffering from this, then many others are doing likewise. If you are one of those, and I have a feeling that most of you are, I want to let you know that you are not alone. If you are not suffering from this, then please be aware that others are, and be willing to step forward to let them know where you stand, rather than leaving them guessing what is or is not acceptable to you.