With this being holy week, building up to the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus, I am reflecting on the five sorrowful mysteries of the rosary. These mysteries focus on the death of Jesus. As I think about the last week of Jesus’ life, I wonder if I could follow him to the cross. And seeing the anti-Christian bias that seems to get stronger each day, I wonder if we may be faced with that decision in the not so distant future. I think about the question, if Christianity were to be made illegal tomorrow, would they have enough evidence to convict me?
The first mystery is the Agony in the Garden. Just before Jesus was to be betrayed and start his journey to the cross, he went aside to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. Imagine knowing what pain and suffering the next 24 hours would bring. It would be hard enough to go through crucifixion, but knowing that it is coming and deciding whether to accept or avoid this fate would be terrible. He prays, take this cup away from me, but thy will be done. The disciples would avoid the cup at this time. They have not yet the strength to face this fate. But later, they, as well as many more martyrs, will make that same decision to face their death with Christ, rather than deny him again. The Holy Spirit gave them the strength they needed. I pray for that same strength if I have to make that same choice.
The second mystery is the scourging at the pillar. Have you ever reflected what that means? This is not something like the corporal punishment that my generation was exposed to as a kid. No, this is real torture. Imagine the crack of a whip, each of several tassels embedded with metal. The leather whip leaves long bloody welts, but the metal adds deep cuts. Five good lashes with the whip are enough to leave the back in bloody shreds. I can’t even imagine what 40 lashes would do. The pain and suffering is so intense. Could I stand this kind of suffering. Would my resolve weaken? Would I find a way to take this cup away myself?
The third mystery is the crowning of thorns. We think that the thorns might jab the head but nothing like the pain of scourging. But the real pain here is being mocked. We constantly hear the old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. But the truth is, words do hurt. The mockery and ridicule may hurt even more than the scourging. How many times have we been belittled or made fun of. How many times have harsh words hurt us deeply, leaving us crying in the dark. How many times have we just wanted to run away from a situation. Just get as far away as possible and hide. But he stayed. Could I have done that? When people ridicule my faith, can I stand firm, or do I cave in to their worldly view?
The fourth mystery is the carrying of the cross. Imagine the weight of those two pieces of wood. This is not the thin crosses we see in church. This had to be strong enough to hold up an adult male. What would that weigh? 100, 200, 500 pounds? After all that he has already endured, it may as well be an anchor from a huge ship. We all have some cross to bear. Maybe it is health problems. Maybe it is this current pandemic. Maybe wearing a mask is your cross. Maybe it is taking care of your family. Whatever that load is, does it feel too heavy for you? Do you feel like you fall multiple times on the way? When you do, do you want to stay down, or do you pick yourself up and move on? I am sure many of us over the last year have been down, and did not know if we could get up and continue on.
The fifth mystery is the crucifixion. They hammer nails in his hands and feet to suspend him from the wood of the cross. This has to be one of the most torturous ways to die. Your weight pulls down on the nails in your body causing pain. Your body is stretched, and you must pull yourself up, straining against those nails, to be able to pull air into your lungs. You fight to live, but every bit of that fight is painful. Mercifully the pain only lasts for hours. Before long, you can no longer pull yourself up, and you die from lack of oxygen. When I am struggling through life, do I want to just give up? Or do I struggle for that life’s breath to keep me going. the life’s breath that comes from the Holy Spirit.
Thinking back on these mysteries, could I ever have gotten past the first one, knowing the others to come? If I had to make a decision to deny my faith, or follow this path, which would I choose? Is my faith, my God, important enough for me to go through this? I don’t think any of us really knows what our answer would be until we actually face it. I pray that none of us have to find out.